The Ozempocalypse Is Nigh

A sharp, funny dispatch on the end of the GLP-1 loophole: with the FDA declaring the shortage over (March/April 2025), compounding pharmacies can no longer sell the cheap ~$200/month semaglutide and tirzepatide that ~2 million Americans had been getting via telehealth. Catalogs the desperate workarounds - the absurd '0.51 mg' and vitamin-mix and gummy legal theories, Eli Lilly's anti-arbitrage preservative-free single-dose vials, users stockpiling or turning amateur chemist with Chinese peptides - and closes with the real point: the two-year experiment in lightly-regulated, direct-to-consumer 'semi-free-market medicine' went great, with no extra side effects and happier patients, a quiet case for deregulation.

Quality 62 · Strong. A sharp, funny, informative dispatch with a genuine embedded argument (the lightly-regulated supply chain worked), but short and tied to a specific regulatory moment. Strong, lower end.

Claude’s paradigm shift 28 · Slight. Topical reportage plus a deregulation observation; the 'semi-free-market medicine worked' point is sharp but not a new concept. Slight.

Real-world impact 2 · Minor. A sharp dispatch on the end of the compounded-GLP-1 loophole with an embedded argument (the lightly-regulated supply chain worked); engages a consequential drug-access moment at the discourse level, with no material-world reach of its own → RWI 2.

Humor 1/5 · Lizardman’s Constant. Informative GLP-1 news analysis with deliberate comic asides ('the real victims: stockholders', floating into the sky, invading Denmark for Novo Nordisk); wit incidental to a serious piece → 1.